no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
