So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
