How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The uberlube is also flammable
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
