i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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