shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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