I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
