I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
