I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
