Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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