I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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