this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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