How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
