Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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