Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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