I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
