i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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