can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
