My hair reeks of homosexuality.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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