Christians are straight up FREAKS
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
