By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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