her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
