My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
