did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
