we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
