hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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