I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
