My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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