He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
