I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
