hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
