Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
