My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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