As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
