I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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