I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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