eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
