I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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