I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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