Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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