Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
