I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
two words: eviction party
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
