I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
