No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
