I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
3pm strippers are depressing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
