Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
