I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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