things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
