so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
