No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
