did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
