no, he came in my armpit
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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