I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
