If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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