dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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