we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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